Cat Got Your Tongue?

Day 102

Oh Yuck! Gross! Bleh! EWWWW!! Not again! I CAT TAKE IT ANYMORE!!! I am furry furred up with the gunk these two-paws are furreeding me. It smells worse than a wet mouse and tastes more revolting than what I coughed up last week, which was furry gross by the way. They expect me to eat this, this garbage! while they dine and furreast on the furrancy purrleasures and deli-cat-cies of the gods. They must all be furrll of mouse farts if they think I will eat this crap. I'd like to see them try to hold down this mess.

I mean I do not think it's furrair that they get to dine on the king of the sea or the queen of the air, but hey I'm just a cat, what do I know? No one bothers to ask me what I want. It's not like I can understand what those two-paws are meowing but I'd

still like them to notice me and mew
wants and purrleasures. You'd think afurrter 102 days I would know a two-paw but I guess not. It's like they have no furreelings beclaws I stare at them with mew kitty eyes but they don't give in. Maybe they all are robots in disguise. Maybe that's why they have fur in the wrong places and no tails. I'll soon learn their tricks. I just sit and watch them munch away their emotions, hunger, and even sickness. These two-paws furreed at the oddest and weirdest moments. There are a couple of two-paws I can purrlay my claw-di mind tricks on. They are the grand-kittens of these two-paws and they obey mew eyes and purrthetic cries of hunger. I can easily trick these young two-paws into giving me their de-fish-ious furrood. All I have to do now is meow and
they furrllow me.I am slowly learning ways

of how to manipulate and make the two-paws take mew side furr once. One day I will rule this shelter. I am one paw closer to total take over. "That's one small stride for cat, one giant pounce for cat kind." Until I conquer the world I must conquer the shelter, so for now I'll sleep on it with another cat nap.

Cationary furr your decoding 

cat (can't)
furry (really)
furred (fed)
two-paws (humans)
furreeding (feeding)
furreast (feast)
furrancy (fancy)
purrleasures (pleasures)
deli-cat-cies (delicacies)
furrll (full)
mouse farts (b.s./ crap/ bologna) 
furrair (fair)
king of the sea (tuna fish)
queen of the air (chicken)
meowing (talking)
mew (my)
afurrter (after)
furreelings (feelings)
beclaws (because)
furreed (feed)
purrlay (play)
claw-di minds tricks (jedi mind tricks)
grand-kittens (grandchildren)
purrthetic (pathetic)
de-fish-ious (delicious)
furrood (food)
furrllow (follow)
furr (for)
shelter (house)
"That's one small stride for cat, one giant pounce for cat kind." (Neil Armstrong's moon quote)

Paw love

Day 85

           I have defurized the purrfect attack purrlan afurrter much thought. I'll use my claws as mew weapon. Ohh! Here comes a two-paw now. Quick! I gotta hide furrom them. Ha! they won't even know I'm coming. I get into purrsition and wait furr mew move.

                     

Daaaa-dummm, Daa-dumm, Da-dum. Scary Paws mewsic purrlaying furr empurrasis. Charge!!! I make mew move. All is going well until I realize mew mewstake. Oh mew Bast! Two-paws are dog-nor-mouse!!!




 
 There's no way I could bring them down so I went furr the closest thing I could tackle. Their paws. I'm a genius. I'm like Meowstein or Pawking. The two-paw went down like Dogzilla. I furround a new love, paws. The only furrnny thing about them are the paw covers they wear. They are furry purrculiar. They smell all delightfurrl and I have a weird urge to stuff mew furrace in them. I think I may have a paw furretish.

These paw coverings are the only purrtection they have against me. Their brains are just furrilled with mousefarts. I'll just steal all of their paw coverings. Then the coverings will be mine and I can attack their paws! It's so genius it might just work. I won't bother with the purrlan furr awhile though. I'll make sure their minds are furrar furrom their paw coverings. Until then I must catnap until the next thing that ruffles my fur.

Cationary fur your decoding

defurized (devised)
purrfect (perfect)
purrlan (plan)
afurrter (after)
mew (my)
two-paw (human)
furrom (from)
purrsition (position)
furr (for)
Daaaa-dummm, Daa-dumm, Da-dum (Jaws music)
Paws (Jaws the movie)
mewsic (music)
purrlaying (playing)
furr (for)
empurrasis (emphasis)
mewstake (mistake)
Oh mew Bast (oh my god = Bast being the cat goddess)
dog-nor-mouse (ginormous)
paws (feet)
Meowstein (Albert Einstein)
Pawking (Stephen Hawking)
dogzilla (godzilla)
furround (found)
furrnny (funny)
paw covers (shoes)
furry (really)
purrculiar (peculiar)
delightfurrl (delightful)
furrace (face)
furretish (fetish)
purrtection (protection)
furrilled (filled)
mousefarts (b.s./crap/nonsense)
furrar (far)

Voodoo mousecraft

Day 68

These two paws are up to their voodoo mousecraft again. I mean furry!? I'm expurrloring these pouncing caves and then I see it. The most compurrleately, pawsitively, purrfect, de-fish-ious treat of all time. It's the cat's meow! This scrupurrtious mouse is just sitting there not knowing what is about to happurrren.  I crouch down, ready to make mew move. Mew breathing matches the mouse's breathing as I don't take mew eyes off fur one mewnute. Then I charge like the felis silvestirs lybicas, mew ancators. Evefurrything is going great but then SPURRLAT! I run into something. I don't see anything but I sure can furrl it. It's hard and invisible. As I lay there bewildered I see mew cat snack scurry off into the unknown. I can almost hear the mouse laughing at me. Those two paws made an invisible wall of some sort. I don't know how they did this but they did. I smell something fishy here. I'm furry purrplexed.

  

It's quite confurrsing and furry pawsitively furrustrating. Maybe I'm not that furree afurrter all. I do not like this purrlace at all. Purrlease someone get meow-t!!! Furr the love of Bast and all things furry, I want out! This upsets me greatly. I see mew total furreedom but it's blocked by this invisible wall. I swear it must be some kind of furrce furrield. I'm about to throw a hissing furrit!!! MEOW MEOW MEOW!!! Sorry about that but I needed to get that out of mew system. I'm still angry as you know what but there's not much I can do. 

Or is there? Maybe I can use mew claws fur mew purrsonal 

advantage. Two paws' fur is purrculiarly scratchable. I will furrind mew time to attack but not sure when just yet.                                                                                                                                  

I will be the best attack cat evefurr. Those silly two paws won't know what hit them. I just have to wait fur the moment where they won't expurrect me at all. I can act compurrletely normally. I think.

Yup see I told you I can be normal. Nothing going on here. Just being a cat. Meow meow purr purr. Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur. Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, pur pur pur.

And then all of a sudden I attack. Out of no where! I'm like a paw fur kitty just scratching up these two paws. I'll be the next Meowammad Ali, "Sting like a bee, float like a butterfly"

         I'll give them a little of this

                                                      And a little of this

   Then I'll show them a taste of this

Oh mew goodness. All this meowing of attacking has worn meow-t compurrletely. I'll start mew purrlan afuurter a cat nap.

Cationary furr your decoding

two paws (humans)

mousecraft (witchcraft)

furry (really)

expurrloring (exploring)

pouncing caves (crawl spaces)

compurrletely (completely)

pawsitively (positively)

purrfect (purfect)

de-fish-ious (delicious)

cat's meow (great news/ hip/ cool)

scrupurrtious (scruptious)

happurren (happen)

mew (my)

fur (for)

mewnute (minute)

felis silvestirs lybicas (african wildcat)

ancators (ancestors)

evefurrything (everything)

spurrlat (splat)

furrl (feel)

invisible wall (window)

purrplexed (perplexed)

confurrsing (confusing)

furrustrating (frustrating)

furree (free)

purrlace (place)

purrplease (please)

meow-t (me out)

Bast (egyptian cat goddess)

furreedom (freedom)

furrce (force)

furrield (field)

hissing furit (hissy fit)

purrsonal (personal)

purrculiarly (percurliarly)

furrind (find)

evefurr (ever)

expurrect (expect)

Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur. Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, our pur pur (big bang theory reference)

paw fur kitty (kung fu kitty)

Meowammad Ali (Muhammad Ali-famous boxer)

meowing (talking)

purrlan (plan)

afurrter (after)

Curiosity Killed the Cat...Satisfaction Brought it Back

Day 43

These two paws furrnally let meow-t of their sight. I have total furreedom! I compurrletely understand why they are all ailurophiles. I'd be lion if I mewed they weren't. I'm not too fur-nd of those ailurophobes. Anyways, Ahh. This furreedom is pawsitively purrfect. I get to roam wherefur I want. I've stumbled across something furry cool that I cat believe! I furry don't think these two paws realize these pouncing caves are evefurrywhere. I'm quite pawsitive they don't. It's furry purrculiar. Purrhaps I'll just keep this mew purrecious secret. I know I won't furrget them beclaws they're evefurrywhere!

 

 

 

I purrfurr some caves over others, but I guess that's why they're mew furravorites. There are purrlenty of pouncing caves that I have furround to take mew catnaps on and sometimes in. I can furrnd just about anywhere and evefurrywhere to take my daily catnaps. I tend to sleep fur about 18 hours evefurry day. So all in all us cats sleep on average 2/3 of our lives. Oh don't worry, I still furrnd time to get in trouble and furrnd the kitten inside me.

Mew furravorite pouncing cave is always closed though. It taunts me evefurry day. I cat evfur get inside. It's this tall, white cave with furry de-fish-ious treats inside. Mew timing has to be purrticularly purrfect. I am furry purrsistant so I pawse befurr pouncing in. Furrnally! I'm on cloud 9, cat heaven, and purradise! I have furround the purrfect drink. It must have come furrom Bast herself! Nectar and ambrosia comes furrom this locked cave that only the two paws are allowed entrance to.

So these two paws are more clever than I thought they were. I will learn their ways if it's the last thing I do beclaws I'm furry purrsistent. Until then, time fur another catnap.

Cationary Fur your Decoding

two paws (humans)
furrnally (finally)
meow-t (me out)
furreedom (freedom)
compurrletely (completely)
ailurophiles (cat lover)
ailurophobia (fear of cats)
pawsitively (positively)
purrfect (perfect)
wherefur (wherever)
furry (really)
cat (can't)
pouncing caves (crawl spaces)
evefurrywhere (everywhere)
pawsitive (positive)
purrculiar (peculiar)
purrhaps (perhaps)
mew (my)
purrecious (precious)
furrget (forget)
beclaws (because)
purrfurr (perfer)
furravorites (favorites)
purrlenty (plenty)
furround (found)
evefurry (every)
furrnd (find)
evfur (ever)
de-fish-ious (delicious)
purrticularly (particularly)
purrsistent (persistent)
pawse (pause)
befurr (before)
purradise (paradise)
furrom (from)
Bast (Egyptian cat goddess)
nectar and ambrosia (drink and food from the gods)